Wednesday, May 11, 2011

And I asked, "What Was I Thinking?"

Thank you, every single one of you.

Today was a good day.
I woke up (slightly later than I wanted) and managed to get 1 mile in.
I felt good, nonetheless.
Remember the Jeff Galloway quote that I love?
"When I finish a run, every part of me is smiling."
That was how I felt this morning.
All three dogs went with me.
No one was on a leash.
We just ran like a bunch of wild, free women!
Even poor old Buttercup managed to slug it out like a champ!
I had many thoughts in my mind. And this run was definitely THE run that I needed.
I can sum up my thoughts with a few words.

I will feed my body.
Because without food, this chick just can't run strongly.
And when she doesn't run, nothing is smiling.

I don't know why I had faltered and entertained the thoughts I had before.
I don't think I am that much of a basket case.
I know nutrition. I am sensible. I have a boyfriend who thinks I am pretty fabulous. 
Goes to show how influential peer/family pressure is, I guess.
  •  I don't think showing race bibs and medals and pictures will convince them of anything. In fact, I have been advised to quit running because it is bad on the joints. But I love running. I will scale back like I am doing now, but I am NOT going to stop running.
  • I don't cry in front of my parents. That is a sign of weakness. In fact, I don't remember the last time I cried in front of them. I must have been weeee young then.
  • How have I dealt with this issue in the past? I told them I'm more active than ever, run farther, lift heavier, eat better, loving life all the more than ever before. It didn't do a thing.  
And here's the food.
Since I was running a little late, I had some Greek yogurt with a sprinkle of granola and honey.
I made lunch plans with a teacher and her aide so I won't work through lunch. I ordered a taco and an enchilada and was careful with the chips and salsa.
For dinner, I made something yummy - shrimp and pasta.  I ate. I enjoyed every bite.
Now, I just want to swim a few laps or run another mile, or walk a mile. Anything.
And I want some apples and oranges later tonight as a snack.

I am not taking this issue lightly because issues like this isn't a light issue.
But, after today's food and reading comments y'all left, I am banging my head against the wall for even doing what I did before and thought before. 
What was I thinking? 


  1. Don't look back and rethink the past, just enjoy the moment and be proud how far you've come! You are living a healthy lifestyle and that is so important! I LOVE your thought during the run and the picture of you running with 3 dogs makes me smile!

    My family and friends back home think I'm crazy because I run and I never get any positive feedback. It's hard! I try to change the way I think: Instead of being upset about that, I start ignoring it and just appreciate how wonderful my runner friends are and how many awesome people I met through running :)

  2. Be strong and know who you are and what you want out of life. That is what is important. Like Christine, I am thinking about you running (with a big smile) along with 3 dogs. To me, that is happiness :-)

  3. Sounds like you are moving in a positive direction!

    That is awesome that you were 3 wild, free women. I'd love to do that - but then my dog would either start a fight or just plop down in the grass somewhere and not move!

  4. "We just ran like a bunch of wild, free women!"

    "In fact, I have been advised to quit running because it is bad on the joints." I swear to God we must be related...

    I'm glad you got the reinforcement you need. Keep thinking of all the positive you get from your current life. You don't have to tell them. Just smile on the inside.

    And think of a heroin addict. So skinny, yet so unhealthy. For some reason, this keeps me going on my weight loss, but in a healthy way.

  5. I missed your last post and just read it now. So glad you are eating again. I know from reading your blog that you are anything but fat, and are actually quite slim!

    I also know from my time in Asia that culture is everything when it comes to how you feel about your body. I think the best of us, even when we are fit and healthy have negative feelings of about our bodies. In North America, when having a "fat day" friends will assure us that we are not fat, that we look good in our jeans, etc. In China, when I said, "I feel fat," the response was, "Yes, you are." (When I was no bigger than size 6). It's just different.

    Just remind yourself that you are a strong woman. You moved away from your family and across the world without them. You have completed half marathonS. You are healthy and beautiful inside and out. And when you're visiting and you start feeling down, go out for a quick, fun run and be happy!

  6. I lived in Hong Kong for several years and I never got over people calling me fat to my face. The first time it was in an elevator--13 years ago--and I can still remembered the entire incident perfectly. A mailman told me I was so fat and healthy. I was 10, completely normal sized, but bawled about it for ages.
    I'm sorry you have the family pressure and I hope you can keep up this amazing attitude and never ever stop running if you love it!!

  7. The blogger flake-out prevented me from commenting the first time I saw this... but I wanted to say that you are Strong, Fit, Fabulous, Smart, and Beautiful. Keep that in your mind even when people try to tell you otherwise. Even when those who love you try to tell you otherwise. You've been there before and know that being that skinny isn't that good for you! You're in a much better place now. :)

  8. Hm... something tells me I commented on this around the time Blogger gave out.

    Anyway - I think, no... I KNOW you are awesome! And you are healthy. That's enough to keep you tops in my book!


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