Sunday, January 15, 2017


This seemingly innocuous four-letter word.

Our actions are really driven by fear or the lack of fear.

I was fearful I was giving up my dream when my first big love asked me to not pursue it so we could be together.
But I want a college education in the field I wanted to be in since I was in elementary school.
I went to the other side.

I was fearful of not living my life when my crazy love asked me to marry him and stay in Singapore.
But I wanted to live adventurously. I want to experience life. Savor it. Live it.
So I went to the other side.

I was fearful of being away from home, from what was familiar when I decided to board that plane to come to the United States. But I wanted the education. I wanted to forge a life on my own. I wanted to see what I am made up without falling back on what was familiar to me all these time.
So I went to the other side.

I was fearful of defying social and cultural conventions when I decided that I was ready to have a child before marriage. Family honor is important to me. Respecting my parents and honoring them are important to me.  I was fearful when I made those morning calls to my parents to plead my case about having a child. I was scared of my dad. I was scared of my mom.
But I really wanted to be a mom. I was ready to be a mom. I had planned for the past few years to be a mom. So I went to the other side.

Fear is not going away. As long as we live, there will be fear.
I feel like as I grow up, I have more responsibilities, and I start to fear more. And now that I have my sweet little boy, I do all the fearing for all of us. I navigate and tread carefully.
I often ask myself,

  • What do you want  
  • What are you afraid of 
  • What can I do to allay these fears  

So, what are you afraid of?

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