With grace, dignity, kindness and a little kick-ass attitude.

Struggles. We all have them. 

Honestly, my life is pretty good and I feel pretty blessed.  Yet every day, there are struggles I wrestle with, hopefully with patience, grace, kindness, and a little kick-ass attitude.  

I struggle with not being able to give my husband another kid or my child a sibling.  You would think that as time goes by, it gets easier. The struggle to fight that whatever-feeling-inside-me is real. I feel "less than." I feel out of my control. Daily. Every single day for the past 3 years.  It used to be "easier" -- it was me feeling the pain, and I didn't have to to explain or have an answer. However, once my Lil' Man started talking, he talks about "when I get a little sister ..." or "I will be a good big brother," or "Can you buy me a baby sister?" or "Why don't I have a baby sister?" I struggle to hold back the tears, to not feel the pang of pain in my heart, and to explain to him why it is highly impossible.   

I struggle with parenting. Am I enough? Am I a good mom? Am I screwing my kid up? Am I playing enough with him? Am I teaching him how to be tough, tenacious, kind, emphatic, resilient, honest, righteous? Am I feeding him enough vegetables? Oh no! He won't eat anything that's green. I am screwing up.  The struggle is real. You probably share some of my parenting struggles. 

I struggle with not being there for my parents. They are getting old, and I want to be closer to them, to take care of them.  I have moved away for a long long time. I try not to think about it but, it gets to me. I miss my parents a lot. It is easier to not think or talk about it. 

I struggle with keeping my food portions under control. I LOVE FOOD. I eat clean stuff and I love it. Eating clean isn't hard for me. It is my way of life. However, since I have started on Insanity Max 30 instead of Hammer and Chisel, my fruits and carbs portions have went down by 1 container. I can live on sweet potatoes and peanut butter and all kinds of fruit ALL DAY LONG. 

You probably have tougher struggles than I do. Every struggle has weight. I hope you have someone to weather through these struggles with you. A very wise lady whom I have great respect for once told me, "Every thing will be just fine." I believe that I am a strong, independent woman, and I will power through these struggles with grace, dignity, kindness and a little kick-ass attitude. And in the end, "every thing will be just fine." It will be part of your story. 

What is your struggle? 

Push-Ups and Shopping

Week One of the 100 push-ups a week didn't turn out superbly well. I did 70. I got a little confused on the criteria too, so if anyone can offer some enlightenment, please.
I thought it is 100 push-ups per week and that means a total of 400 for February. But if I didn't hit the 100 on Week #1, does that mean I am out? Or does it mean I am still in the game, as long as I hit the 400 for the month?
Am I overthinking this?

Next, want a somewhat good bargain?
I just ordered a few items off Road Runner Sports and who doesn't love a good bargain? Plus, I have about 360 miles on my Brooks Adrenaline 11. So, it's time to buy another pair and have it handy. 

If you are already a VIP member, there's a coupon code out there that is in good working condition.
Type Coupon Code: CX12J120  when you check out to save 25% on everything during VIP Appreciation (expires 2/8/2012).  I believe first time VIP member costs less than $2. BUT you are set up to do the automatic renewal annually, which costs $24.99 or something like that. Anyway, I got "automatically renewed" for 2011 and realized I haven't bought anything to "offset" my membership fee, that's why I ordered a pair of Brooks Adrenaline and some other stuff that I will need before I cancel the membership. 
P.S.: I wasn't paid or solicited to write this blurb. Just spreading some bargains among friends.

Lastly, apparently running 10 miles is easier than trying to get pregnant - you know, when you just put on the shoes and go and the 10 miles will happen! Oh well, I guess I will go drink some wine and have some diet Mt. Dew. :)

Monday in bullets

1. The 2 miles I planned on running yesterday never did happened.  We had Mother's Day lunch at my boyfriend's mom's and we ended up spending the entire afternoon there.  When we got back to our place, his dad and stepmom and brothers were there and we ended up spending time with them.  I had a good time with family. But the 2-miles hung over my head like you can never believe.  Guilt is not a good feeling!
   
2. At lunch today, I decided to get my shoes on and ran a quick one mile.  It was a fast one without pain. It took a little over 10 minutes but under 10:30 minutes. It left me breathless. While it was a good run, it was a sucky run too.  I hadn't had breakfast or lunch.  All I had was coffee and I really could use some fuel - like half a banana or something.
   
3. I also swam at least 20 minutes non-stop.  I am not a good swimmer. So I stayed on the shallow end of the pool and just kept going back and forth and back and forth. I did the froggie stroke. That's the only way I know how to swim.  My arms got a nice workout.Of course, it also made me realize that my arms are weak!
   
4. Tomorrow, I have 2 miles on tap.  I am hoping to get it in early in the a.m. so it won't hang over me like a dark cloud.  Will report my activities for tomorrow. 
   
5. I am also determined to cook at least 3x this week.  It's all a plan to save money and to eat healthfully. 
   
6. In fact, I already have tomorrow's food all prepped and ready to go into the Crock-Pot tomorrow.  All I'll need to do is to pop that pot into the Crock-Pot base and  have it set to "8 hours slow" and I will be home to a good meal with minimal clean-up.
   
7. For May, I am hoping I will run at least 20 miles.  That will be a doable challenge.  I'm far far far behind my 82-mile/month goal in order to reach 1000 miles. 
   
8. I'm working on a serious post. 
   
9. I am going to get to go home to Singapore this summer. 
   
10. #8 and #9 are kinda related and stressing me out just a tad.
    

 

Hard Core.

Saturday night. Boyfriend was showing me how to lift my legs in midair to try and pop my lower back. I can't even lift my legs in midair. Seriously. This is pathetic. He doesn't even exercise like I do. How did that happen?


Yeap. I have a weak core. I have no core.

Today: I was reading different blog posts and came across Jamoosh's post. He posted a core challenge, and I am in. I just joined The Hard Core Club. 

Thirteen weeks to a stronger core start this Sunday and ends on Nov 13, 2010.  He will e-mail me a core workout plan, which I will follow for thirteen weeks for 2 or 3 times a week. Now, that is a committment. We know how I am terrified of committment.  This love for running has me doing crazy stuff.  I'm planning meals around running, planning vacations around running and now, I am committing to challenges so I can be a better runner.  Love makes you do silly things, doesn't it?

Anyway, click on his name above to go to his post and read about the challenge. 

All right, I'm about to go and have a date with my legs at the Y. Just three easy miles to see if the shins are still hurting.

Thank goodness!

I have friends who post their runs on their Facebook's status and for my virtual running buddy - Aneta. She suggested that we do a longish run today and for me, it was 5 miles.  I haven't ran more than 3 miles in a while and a 5-miler seemed reasonable and doable.

I hit the Y this morning and got on the dreadmill. What's the thing with treadmill? It makes a mile seems like forever. I had to break the 5 miles into doable chunks. I did a 3-1-1.  Darn. No matter how I broke it up into chunks, it is still 5 miles I gotto do. The first 2-miles were at steady pace and I increased the pace slightly for the 3rd mile. This chunk was completed on a 0.5% incline.  Then, I had to change it up because  I was bored running on the treadmill. The three television sets on various channels didn't help either. Two of them were harping on BP oil, while the third one was on ESPN. So, I did some kind of speedwork intervals with each interval lasting about 2 minutes.
Here are the numbers:

34.19 min - 3.01 miles
9.44 min - .98 mile
13 min - 1.01 mile
Total: 45:16 (57:16 mins) - 5 miles 
(o0ps, I miscalculated my times)

It is 5 miles done. I have 22 miles down for this month, which leaves me with 23 miles to go before I complete my June challenge.

50-mile May Challenge DONE!

Ladies, I probably disappointed you this weekend for not completing the last 8 miles to my 50-mile May Challenge. I put on my running shoes on Saturday morning, but it just didn't do it for me. The lower calves were funky and Archilles was not in a good mood either.

  

I rested both Saturday and Sunday. It was good. Sorry. I can act all gung-ho about running, but I really like my bed too, especially when I get to snuggle with my special love bug. 

Nonetheless, that 8 dang miles hung over my head. 

Fast-forward Monday. I ran. It was hot in southeastern Arkansas so I sought refuge at the YMCA. I don't know how I was going to run that 8 miles on the dang dreadmill. The farthest I have ran on the treadmill was 3 or 4 miles and I usually die of boredom by then. So, here comes the random thoughts.

"Thank goodness Dr. Oz is over."

"Not too crazy about Oprah either."

"I like Julia Roberts though." 

"Julia has pretty skin. Her hair is pretty too."
"My hair will be flat once I am out the door if I try to do that."

"Why is this man next to me stomping on the treadmill?"

"Oh wow, he is going faster and faster." 

"I will outlast him."
"Hah! I did." 

"4 miles ...." 
"I'll never walk barefooted around the yard ever. That sticker is still inside my sole." 

"Why do men lift weights that are WAAAAY too heavy for them and why do they just throw the weights on the ground when they are through?" 

"Men are such gossipers too." 

"My boobs are sore."
"Gee. I am glad I don't have big boobs." 
" I will not wear Keith's socks in the future too. Way too big and it is rubbing against my skin."


"If I can run 5, I can run 6 on the treadmill." 

and on and on and on... 

Basically the last few miles were "If I can do X, I can do X." 

Until mile 7.2, when Keith called me and we gotto go see some cars. So, we saw some cars, we ate at Chinese buffet after that. He dropped me off at my car and I came home. I was itching to finish the remaining 0.8 mile, so I slapped on the Garmin and ran. Yep. After all that egg rolls and lo mein and fried rice. 

AND I finished my May Challenge!!!! All 50 miles of it. :) 

Now, we'll see how many extra miles I can rake up for the remaining few days. 

And I feel SO DANG GOOD!

Early 4-miler random thoughts

Sights. I saw Peter Cottontail darted into the tall grass on the side of the gravel road. I caught a glimpse of a frog or a toad diving into the ditch. I saw a lone daisy-looking flower and that made me happy. 

Smells. I love the smell of honeysuckle. I am pretty sure now that my favorite two floral scents are honeysuckle and roses. There is a continuous stretch of 0.5 mile of honeysuckle vine down this road that I run. It smells so good and it really lifts the spirits. And somewhere down the line, I also smelled something similar to Christian Dior's Fahrenheit.

Attacks. A horsefly buzzed around me and followed me for a little ways. Another speedy bug flew right into my right cheek and gave me some sugar and lovin' this morning. 

 It was a little foggy this morning.
I ran 26 miles this month, and have 24 left to complete my May challenge.

10 Thoughts Today:
1. Running is hard. 
2. Running is a mental sport. 
3. Why is it kinda hard to finish 3 or 4 miles now compared to last month? 
4. Why is the flight home to Singapore so expensive?
5. How do I break the news that I don't feel good about flying back? 
6. I am going to fork the $ out to buy a pair of that Nike's tempo shorts that everyone is raving about. 
7. I need a race. 
8. I like running even though I am not fast.
9. I like running because I am alone with my own thoughts. I own myself, my thoughts, and my silence.

10. I got a call on my cell phone while running. I answered it because it is from someone who will keep calling and calling and calling. I told the person that I can't talk now because I was running. This person proceeded to asking me questions that will require more than a "yes/no" answer. I mean, hmm... which part of "I can't talk now" do you not understand? 

11. Ok. I also have come to a realization that I don't like messing and talking on the phone. I dislike ringing phones. I dislike answering phones. I dislike using telephones. And it does hurts my ears.

All right. Share your running thoughts. Boast about all the awesome miles you put in today. Make me jealous about the fabulous weekend plans you have planned. 

Running on the 'mill

Temperature was in the mid to high 80s today, and I was so blessed with such wonderful humidity.
I started on supper fixed quite early today, since I decided that I was craving for some gumbo. Once it got done, I headed out the the YMCA and got my run in.

Nothing too stressful ... just some comfortable 4 miles with an ever-so-slight 0.5% incline.
Mile 1 = 11:32
Mile 2 = 11:19
Mile 3 = 11:07
Mile 4 = 10:55, 10:32, 8:00 and for a very brief 0.02 mile, at 7:00.  (How do people run this fast for miles and miles and miles? Kudos to all the bionic men and women out there. It is hard work).
Total: 4.02 miles @ 45:06 miles @ 11:39/mile pace.

Tell me about your run, or a challenge that you are doing!
 
May To Date: 8.05 miles
May Left To Run:  41.95 miles

No excuses. Just run.

I ought to be ashamed of myself for not toughening my will and let little snags get to me. But I think I have straighten myself up and I am gonna get my butt and legs in shape. No more excuses. Just run.

Out here in Southeast Arkansas, the humidity has been quite suffocating. I attempted a run outside a few days ago and about half a mile into it, I thought I was going to die. No excuses. I have a YMCA membership and even though the thermostat there isn't set to 60 degrees F, it is definitely not as humid or hot as running outside.

I put on my running shoes, sleeveless tank and my running shorts (which by the way, will ride up), and headed to the YMCA. I have a few other pairs but they are ride up. This Champion pair that I am wearing rides up the least. I even got my hair up in a bouncy ponytail because that always makes me run happily.

Four miles - the farthest I have ran since I had to go to the conference in Nashville two weeks ago. It was exhilarating. Here are the stats.
Mile 1 = 12:00 (warm up)
Mile 2 = 11:07
Mile 3 = 10:21
Mile 4 = 9.23 to 8:30 ( I get bored, so I kept fiddling with the controls to increase the pace and lower the pace the very last mile). 
Total: 4.03 miles in 45 mins at 11:03/mile. Not too shabby.

Since I don't have any long distance races any time soon and since I really need to have some kind of challenge to keep me running and motivated, I entered a complete 50 miles in May challenge over at dailymile.com.  So, 4 miles down and 46 to go. I know I will achieve it.

May To Date: 4 miles.
May Left To Run: 46 miles.

Random thoughts at the Gym and Giveaways

"I am Asian, I am supposed to eat all that weird stuff."

Workout.  I went on the elliptical machine like I was supposed to and managed to get a measly 1.5 miles in. Not a lot. It is a torture being on that machine.  No scenery. Some sports channel I don't care to watch was on TV. Beefy man was huffing and puffing away. I am going to do some push-ups later, after my food is digested.

Food.  Boyfriend won't be back for supper tonight.  So, I get to eat whatever I want. And by that, I mean all the weird Chinese food that I have grown up eating.  I made this brothy rice dish - basically it is rice that is cooked to death in some tasty chicken broth. I also shredded some chicken breast and added it to the dish. I topped with spinach and cracked an egg. And here's the highlight: a big spoonful of delight, Vegemite.  
I know, gross. But to me, it tastes good. It is my comfort food. It has protein, carbs, fiber, and it low in fat. :) And I just have to wash a pot and a bowl. What do you expect? I am Asian, I am supposed to eat all that weird stuff. I eat raw fish, I eat fish eggs, I use fish sauce, I eat tofu. I love ice cream on sweet raisin bread. 

Random Thoughts.  A few people from Singapore know that I have been running a lot because I have been posting my workouts on Facebook/dailymile.  And I have been getting a lot of, "So you are really skinny now?"  Uh-oh-no. I am not really skinny now. (In fact, I am fat according to Asian standards.)  Why do people assume that one is trying to lose weight when they started running?  I actually am proud to say I run not because I want to lose weight. Here are the many reasons why I started running and why I continue to run:
1. I run because one of my journalism school friends, Jennifer started training and ran a half marathon.
2. Then, another journalism school friend, Judith, started running and invited me to join her in a Susan G. Komen 5K. That was my first race since I was 15.
3. I ran because I realized I feel so good about myself after my runs. 
4. I run because it is the only time I am alone with my thoughts. 
5. I run because I can challenge myself EVERY time I run. 
6. I run because I love to outdo myself in those challenges.
7. I run because I can race with myself, and with others. 
8. I run because I can still eat all those ice cream on sweet bread. 
9. I run because it really makes me happy.
10. I run because I am addicted to running now. 

So, what are your reasons for running? 

Giveaway.   Happy Runner is giving away some white terry workout towels appliqued with an original mantra that is meant to motivate you while you try to attain your workout goals.
Click here to Happy Runner's giveaway.

Goals for the week is giving away some awesome running shorts and top for running. Check this link out.

"Baptism"

For a lack of a better word, I felt like I was "baptized" in today's run. (I apologized if I offended anyone by using "baptized" in a non-religious manner).

I experienced my first sprinkle-turned-rain run today. It started sprinkling about 0.5 mile into it. I debated if I should turn around and make my way back. Then, Ms. Sandra came to mind. She runs in the cold and in freezing mornings and when she has a headache. She won't be doing it if it is "bad for you." Hence, I continued.

The sprinkle gave way but it was still gloomy. I skipped and dodged a few puddles that were still standing from last night's rain (I assumed).  I smelled rain. It smells strong and fresh and clean. About a mile or so later, it came down pretty hard. It kinda hurt to have pelts of raindrops on my arm and face and head. Did I mention I hate water on my face and I always sweep the water away from my face - in the shower, when I swim ... I did that for a while until it got to be too much of a trouble. So, I hunkered down as I ran and I thought, "what a cowardly form!" This was when I bravely looked up, straight ahead, strong and tall. Maybe I defied the supreme being up there watching over us: IT threw more rain on me. But I looked straight ahead and forged on. And it was this moment when I felt like I was "baptized." These were what dawned on me from that moment on:

"Welcome to the running world."

"Hey hey hey, I am running in the rain. That's what REAL runners do!"
"I feel new. I want to be a better person. I want to accept all challenges, big and small. And I want to be a happier person than I already am."
"I can do anything."
"Dad will be proud."
"I am not always a girly-girl."

"Knee isn't really throwing temper tantrums today, just a little whinings, but it's ok."

"Oh man, three-mile is almost up."

Picture of Buttercup after our run

Me after running in the rain

 

As I sit here, enjoying my eggs, toast, hot green tea and some OJ, I am glad I beat rain today. It was a great run. And I am ready to enjoy my Sunday.  I hope you had/will be having a good run and Sunday like I am.